Former Playmate and “The Girls Next Door” star Holly Madison is opening up about what really went on behind closed doors during her tenure with Hugh Hefner at the Playboy Mansion. “I felt like I was in the cycle of gross things and I didn’t know what to do,” Holly, now 41, says in a preview clip for A&E’s “Secrets of Playboy” series, which the New York Post published on Dec. 7. “I got to a point where I kind of broke under that pressure and being made to feel like I needed to look exactly like everybody else,” says Holly, who believes she was emotionally scarred from her experience with Hef, which spanned from 2001 to 2008. Recalling a time when she dared to get her hair cut, she says the Playboy founder “flipped out” when he saw her new look. “He was screaming at me and said it made me look old, hard and cheap,” she recalled. In the clip, one of her former co-stars, Bridget Marquardt, as well as a former friend of Hef’s back up Holly’s take on his unfair treatment of her and its negative effect on her mental health. The teaser also shows an older onetime Playmate and Hef’s former secretary discussing the publisher’s alleged use of Quaaludes “for sex.” “That was the whole point of them,” says Lisa Loving Barrett, who worked at the mansion from 1977 until 1989. “They were a necessary evil, if you will, to the partying.” The A&E docuseries premieres Jan. 24.